I'm 38. I worked in data, supply chain data , integrations, product data product management. Never been unemployed more than 2-3 months since 2010 ish when it was horrendous but I was after college. I entered the worst job market after college and my school had a pedophilia scandal, so every interview started with that. Did temp work, then worked for 34 k a year for 4 years and lived on a couch. I did data, then worked for a start up for 4 years, stayed late didn't get paid much, worked like a dog, "paying my dues". I then found perfect role, It was what I wanted to do, It wasn't paid that well but I loved it and it was rewarding. Then around (2023) 500 employees got laid off on a zoom call.
Since then just stints at random poorly thought out small start ups. One was boomers making ai which lasted a few months and everyone including me was paranoid daily, everyone was so protective of everything role. Their "AI" was in reality Microsoft access type templates.
Another was a start up where the person that took 3 months to hire me was let go my first week in, the team he built including me was dissolved shortly after. After my first week my entire role changed and it didn't matter anyway he and several people in the leadership were gone and my role gone with him, they basically made me into customer service which I did happily anyway. They were largely putting Band-Aids on customer issues. I grouped them categorized and fixed large glaring issues. They had a lead software engineer decision maker, didn't come from the industry and didn't listen to any other part of the business. Everyone there was depressed but I would have stayed.
Then I found a company that was founded in California, so all the engineers were either there or remote. Awesome! its not what I wanted as a career but I'm happy and its work. I was remote, new management took over and started insisting on building a headquarters in Illinois, probably close to his house. They asked everyone to move unless they were grandfathered in from California, I was somewhat new, I did my job well, got commended by the head of engineering, they liked me. I made the decision not to move , hoping my work would actually let me stay put in NY, it wasn't enough. Maybe that was in error. I have family and a life here, picking up and going to the middle of illinois seemed off, I guess I should have too late now. Can I ask them to move now?
That was January. Since then nothing. I'm not slouching, 12 hour days crushing apps, sending notes, using the entirety of my network, cold emailing hiring managers and recruiters. Gave all of my info to job scammers, I started getting weird scam emails with all my info so potential identity theft. I have put in literally 20000+ minimum apps, in sept and oct alone had 50+ interviews. Summer was brutal. At first I'd take Saturday off just to mentally breathe but since July that ended too. Had so many rounds, stayed up doing assessments and presentations. They loved me the first 3-4 rounds but somehow they went internal anyway.
Changed everything back and forth several times, catered to roles. Spent nights fully understanding their business for it to never come up or some annoyed not interested person to barely pay attention. I learned a business I really liked and had actual niche experience in, for the hiring manager to sip her iced coffee and clearly doing something else. She had been at 5 businesses in 5 years. The last assessment I spent all night making a fully operational data set drop tool, for no one to ever even look at it.
I don't have savings, 401K I spent 20 years building gone, cards maxxed credit ruined, moved back in with parents. I probably come off so desperate at this point but don't know how not to anymore, I over think every word I say every interview, every reply. I legit do not know what the hell is even going on, why did I do this. Learned Excel, SQL, unstructured data, kept up with new tech every 3 years, doing AI why not. Why did I live on a couch for 5 years, why did I work like a slave for start ups and ignore life, What is happening even. What do I do?
Its Friday night, I just got rejected from something I went 3 rounds for and really really wanted, kicking myself for not talking about certain things, or was I not chill enough, how do people get jobs off of vibes? Actually going insane, I am not well, angry and sad daily, don't talk to anyone, sit inside a library or panera every single day. my health is gone, gained weight, mentally just broken.
Count change, been eating the cheapest possible food, gas always on empty. Going to sell used cars at a 50% decrease in what I was making, thinking F it maybe I can learn how to do sales, a job I could have done without any of this experience or learning or college (100k debt), and potentially back to living on a couch like its 2015. What is happening? Logically in every logical sense its done, what is the actual point.