Hey everyone,
Mostly this post is for venting purposes since I’m so tired of expressing this out loud to family and/or friends and getting “well, that’s just life”, “just have to keep pushing through and going.”
I love my job, it’s been a career choice in an industry that I’ve always loved but for the last two years out of 10 years now, I’ve had a very hard time working. I work 5-6 days a week, I own a business and I run a team of 8 people. When I was buying the business, the previous owner really pitched me the whole “you’ll be able to travel, slow down, just run the team and you can work less.” Which wasn’t exactly all sunshines and rainbows the way he made it sound.
I’ve owned the business coming up on 5 years now and it’s been a constant battle of ups and downs; staff turnover is high due to the industry and the high physical demand of the job so I’m finding myself constantly hiring new staff and training them. My wife and I always try to be open lines of communication and extremely supportive of our staff but it doesn’t seem to be enough. Basically the dream that the previous owner sold me, was not true. I work 5-6 days a week, often 10-12 hour days depending on staff and/or if I also have to finish paperwork as well.
I’ve thought about selling and have looked into it, I was told that unfortunately the business doesn’t make enough so selling would be difficult at the moment and that I need more time to accumulate revenue to show buyers. We also have to move the location of the business next year due to the commercial landlord we currently have being extremely difficult and raising rental prices to an unmanageable point.
I feel constantly extremely defeated and I suffer from chronic depression, suicide idealization, and severe anxiety.
I don’t know if it has to do with everything going on in the world and my brain is slowly shutting down but I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried taking vacation, I was off for 2 weeks and it was great, then when I know I’m about to go back to work, everything shuts down again back to how I was feeling before. I find myself constantly wanting to just pack up all my things and leave, never look back but just leave this city, people and everything behind and I know that’s not a good thing/feeling to have. I feel like I’m in a constant state of dread and I’ve felt like this for so long, I have no idea how to shake it.
I don’t think I’m the only one who feels this way or has for the last couple of years and I just need to vent to folks who might also understand and feel the same way.
Thanks for those who read it I appreciate it but mostly I needed a safe space to vent. :)