I recently returned to work after maternity leave, and I’m already struggling with my new manager. I honestly need to vent and get some outside perspective because I’m starting to question whether I’m overreacting.
For some context, I’ve been with this company for a while and, overall, there are actually a lot of things I like about working there. I’ve had opportunities to grow and take on projects that I genuinely enjoy. That’s why this situation is so frustrating... I don’t necessarily want to leave my job, but my relationship with my direct manager is becoming increasingly difficult.
I recently returned from maternity leave, and since coming back, the level of micromanagement has been overwhelming.
Here are a few examples of things that have happened:
- He monitors my availability and seems very focused on whether I’m physically at my desk at all times.
- He has messaged me on Teams asking, “Where are you? Come here right now please.” When I replied that I would be back in about 3 minutes, he responded that he wanted me there now.
- He has come looking for me at my workstation while I was in the bathroom.
- He has told me that I should always be at my desk when he comes looking for me. He even made a comment about this in front of other coworkers, which made me feel embarrassed and infantilized.
- He expects me to update my Teams status whenever I step away, even for very short periods.
- He has questioned me about what I was looking at on my phone and asked whether it was work-related. (It was)
- One day, he pointed to his watch and told me that he expected me to come to his office every time I arrived at work.
- He requires frequent check-ins and has had me attend daily meetings that can last around 45 minutes, where I have to explain everything I worked on the day before and everything I plan to do that day.
- I’ve been given projects with deadlines that feel completely unrealistic for the amount of work involved. For example, some marketing projects require a lot of planning, design, revisions, and coordination, but I’m sometimes expected to turn things around extremely quickly.
- If I’m even a minute late to our daily meeting, he makes sure to point it out.
At one point, I was told to check in with him repeatedly throughout the day, which makes it difficult to actually focus and get work done.
The thing is, I have no problem with being accountable. I’m happy to provide updates, communicate about priorities, and flag anything that’s blocking me from completing a task.
I’ve actually suggested a more structured system: he could send me a detailed list of priorities, tasks, and deadlines, and I could maintain a tracker showing what I completed the previous day, what I’m working on today, any blockers, and any questions I have.
To me, that would be much more productive than constantly checking whether I’m at my desk or asking where I am if I step away for a few minutes.
I also work with my boss on internal communications, so part of my job sometimes requires me to be in my boss’s office. Whenever my manager sees me there, I can visibly tell that he’s not happy about it.
He has even come to interrupt me to say, “I sent you something, it’s urgent.” The reality is that a lot of the time, it isn’t actually urgent. It makes me feel like I have to immediately drop whatever I’m doing and return to my desk, even when I’m already working on something else.
If he sees me talking to a coworker for 5 minutes by the coffee area, he’ll make a gesture as if to say, *“*Why aren’t you at your desk?”
Eventually, I told him directly that I was feeling micromanaged. He did not take it well.
After that, I went to HR to explain how I was feeling, and we eventually had a meeting with the three of us. Since then, I feel like his attitude toward me has gotten noticeably worse.
I’m still learning certain aspects of my role and some of the projects I’m responsible for. However, he has become increasingly unwilling to help me. If I ask for guidance on something, he’ll sometimes say that he’s already explained it to me before and refuses to go over it again.
For example, I’ve been working on a flyer and he’ll tell me to “rework it” but won’t clearly explain what he wants changed or what his expectations are. We’ve only been working together for about a month, so I’m still trying to understand his processes and expectations.
What has also been difficult is the way he talks about my previous manager. I learned a lot under my former manager, but my current manager has essentially told me that everything I learned from him is basically garbage. If I mention that I used to do something a certain way (not to compare them, but simply to understand what the new procedure is), he cuts me off and tells me not to compare him to my previous manager and saying that I live in the past.
It feels like I’m being criticized for following procedures I was previously taught, while at the same time being told to figure out his expectations without much guidance.
Sometimes, when I ask him a simple question, instead of simply answering it, he goes into long monologues. These aren’t always just explanations, either. Sometimes they turn into lectures, reprimands, or complaints, and he often rephrases things repeatedly in a way that makes me feel like he thinks I’m stupid or incapable of understanding.
Because of my ADD, I don’t always maintain constant eye contact while someone is talking. Looking away doesn’t mean I’m not listening. In fact, I can still be fully engaged and processing what someone is saying while looking elsewhere.
So during what happened today, I wasn’t ignoring him or being disrespectful. I simply looked away 5 seconds while he was talking. He then leaned down directly into my line of sight, waved his hand in front of my face “hello” in a very condescending way.
What bothered me is that I was listening. I just don’t think I should have to stare directly at someone for the entire duration of one of his long lectures to prove that I’m paying attention.
At that point, it was just too much. Given everything that has been happening between us, I felt overwhelmed and uncomfortable, so I told him that our daily meeting was over and left the office. I didn’t want to react emotionally or escalate the situation, so removing myself felt like the best thing I could do in that moment.
Another thing that has been frustrating is the way my time is sometimes wasted. Recently, he asked me to work on something, and I spent four days working on it. When I finally gave it to him, he told me that he had already done the same thing himself on his end. I couldn’t understand why I had been asked to spend four days working on something if he was doing it himself at the same time.
Situations like this make me feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells. I’m trying to learn his expectations and do my job properly, but I’m often given unclear direction, criticized afterward, or made to feel like I’m doing something wrong without being clearly told what he actually expects from me.
I raised concerns about feeling micromanaged, HR got involved, and since that meeting, I feel like my manager has become more cold, dismissive, and difficult to work with.
I’ve started documenting incidents and keeping my communication as professional and factual as possible.
Am I overreacting? Does this sound like normal workplace conflict, excessive micromanagement, or possibly retaliation after raising concerns with HR?
I’d really appreciate advice from managers, HR professionals, or anyone who has been in a similar situation. I value my job and don’t necessarily want to leave, but I’m starting to dread going to work because I never know what kind of interaction I’m going to have with him.
professional and factual.