It took me too long to realize, but after much thought and a quickly deteriorating work environment, I can safely assume that my employers are pushing me into resigning.
I don't want to give away too much, so I'll be vague.
Basically everything had been increasingly tough for my team and I for several months due to poor decision-making in leadership trickling down. Increased workloads, tighter deadlines, overtime on a regular basis, absolutely no cross-functional support.
And then I found out that someone, I guess now is my higher up, though I don't report directly to them, was actively making things harder for my team by assigning more work behind my back, undermining my authority, and even trying to get people on my team to 'turn' on me. I don't know how, why or when this started, but now I have confirmation that is going on. No idea why. Or maybe I do, but the potential cause is so stupid, petty and insignificant that I struggle to accept that could motivate their actions.
In any case, I'm being set up for failure. The demands from leadership have been increasingly unreasonable to the point of being by all means just impossible to accomplish, in terms of workload, deadlines and headcount. Last week was insane, this week is already the worst of my work life and it's Tuesday. They could fire me on the spot if they want, because I have basically no protection against it. But the monsters don't have a valid cause to justify my dismissal, so they keep demanding the impossible and for some fucking reason I have been able to deliver even that. However, I'm pending by a thread, and I won't be able to avoid "slipping" for much longer.
What keeps me going is being terrified of losing my livelihood. And it breaks my heart because I pour my soul into this and I'm actually good at it.
Anyway, I just needed to vent a bit.