i have had difficult jobs in the past but nothing that fills me with so much dread, anxiety, and depression. i wake up every morning basically having a panic attack. i just started a this job in november and i should’ve know. from the beginning that i should’ve just held out for something better, but with paying student loans, accumulating credit card debt from being unemployed for months and my car payment, i felt like i didn’t have a choice.
the interview processes was unnecessarily long with 3 rounds of interviews and the hiring manager ghosting me for 3 weeks. i was so desperate and the job actually seemed kind of fun and interesting. i was so wrong. it was advertised as a health promotion role with community fairs, grant writing; etc and i am basically a receptionist/janitor and do little to nothing that was on the job description or discussed at interviews.
i do all their tedious work to the point it feels insulting. i clean, organize, respond to emails, and some of it is just brain numbing and absurd. for example, i have to organize an entire library wall of papers on my own for them in year-month-day order from before they switched to digital bookkeeping.
what upsets me the way i’m treated by my managers. they don’t yell at me or anything, but they talk to me in such a condescending, mean spirited, nasty way it literally makes me feel like i’m going to cry from anger and humiliation everyday. i feel so terrified to ask them a simple question bc im just met with coldness and being talked to like i’m an idiot. if i listed everything it would’ve pages. but essentially, they make snarky, hurtful comments about my mistakes when i’m just trying my best to learn and adjust and purposely set me up to fail as they admitted this by saying “we try to put you in situations to mess up to see how you’d react” . they have manufactured fake situations and scenarios literally to show how’d i respond. one example, they purposely put an important email in the deleted folder and waited to see if i’d notice. i didn’t of course and was vaguely questioned about it. one of my managers gave me incorrect numbers of needed inventory to see if id be able to “catch her mistake.” this is an entry level role with no reason to constantly be testing me and nitpicking everything i do. i’ve worked multiple medical jobs where mistakes can be serious and have legal repercussions, and any mistake i’ve made was met with 100x more grace and understanding than i’ve had here. this is purely an office setting and i can’t think of any error i can make that isn’t easily fixable or has a considerable impact on anything.
i feel like i am not learning anything or applying what i learned in college. the job search was so brutal i submitted maybe 500+ applications over the summer and i was so excited to finally start working again but i cant take it.