I know people say, “Everything will work out.” I want to believe that. But lately, I keep wondering… what if it doesn’t?
Eleven years ago, when I was 15, I lost my dad. That changed the course of my life.
Now I’m 26. I work at an MNC, but I earn very little. I live in an expensive city away from home, and despite having a job, I still need financial help to make ends meet. My mom is a single parent. Thankfully, she doesn’t depend on me financially—but I wish she could. I wish I were in a position to support her instead.
I hate my current job. Every morning I wake up dreading the day ahead. I’m stuck on a project I don’t enjoy, and while people around me are getting promotions and salary hikes, I was put on a Performance Improvement Plan. It feels like I’m running as fast as I can, yet going nowhere.
I’ve been applying everywhere I possibly can, but I barely get any callbacks. I recently interviewed for a role and made it through two rounds. Then, after submitting my documents, I was told my background verification was “unsatisfactory.” It made no sense, and it left me feeling defeated.
Now I’m scared.
Scared that the PIP could cost me my job.
Scared that I’ll become another unemployment statistic.
Scared that I’ll spend months—or years—trying without getting a chance.
The last few months have been some of the hardest of my life. I wake up with anxiety almost every day. I honestly can’t remember the last morning I woke up feeling peaceful.
I miss home.
I just want to be with my mom. She’s coming to visit me in a couple of days, and I’m grateful for that. More than anything, I just want to rest for a while.
But I don’t want to be unemployed.
I want a job where I’m valued. I want financial stability. I want to be able to support my mom. I want to travel the world without constantly worrying about whether I’ll still have a paycheck next month.
As I write this, I’m crying.
I keep asking myself: Why does it feel so much harder for me? Why does it seem like everyone else is moving forward while I’m stuck waiting?
Maybe this post won’t change anything.
But if you’ve ever felt this exhausted, this anxious, this uncertain about your future, I hope you know you’re not the only one.
I’m still trying. I just hope that, one day, trying will finally be enough.