Hey all, I posted about this a little over a month ago but TLDR; I was put on a PIP and chose to pursue it over taking a severance package after careful review and consulting with the community and friends that work in HR. Unfortunately, despite meeting my metrics, I was ultimately let go.
I've accepted that the role is over and I'm focused on moving forward, but I'm still struggling with some of the interpersonal dynamics that developed between my manager and me after the PIP started.
Prior to the PIP, we had a friendly working relationship. When I accepted the PIP, I genuinely believed it was an opportunity to improve and that my manager was committed to coaching me through it. What made the situation more confusing was that the company continued investing in me throughout the process. My business travel wasn't canceled, and I was still being sent to team offsites, which gave me the impression that there was a genuine path forward if I demonstrated improvement. Because of that, I didn't feel like I was being managed out at the time.
For context, I'm an early-30s woman and my manager is a late-30s woman. We had different communication styles, and while I can appreciate that I sometimes communicate in a more collaborative way, I often felt that strategic recommendations I brought forward were interpreted as uncertainty rather than thoughtful planning. That disconnect became a recurring theme in the feedback I received.
During an offsite shortly before my termination, I noticed a pattern of being left out of team activities. On the first day, I only learned about lunch plans after asking a coworker what everyone was doing. It became clear that plans had already been discussed among the group, and I was included only after I asked. The following day, I stayed behind for a few minutes to catch up on messages and the team went to lunch without me entirely.
Despite those moments, I still made an effort to fully participate in the offsite. I attended all scheduled activities, joined conversations, and spent time getting to know members of my broader team who I don't often get to see because we work remotely. I didn't isolate myself or withdraw from the group. In fact, I viewed the trip as an opportunity to build stronger relationships and demonstrate my commitment to the team, which is part of why the experience felt so confusing.
On the final day of the trip, my manager and several of my immediate teammates left dinner early and didn't say goodbye or wish me safe travels. We work remotely and rarely see each other in person, so the lack of even a brief farewell felt strange. I recognize nobody is obligated to do that, but it added to the feeling that I was no longer viewed as part of the team.
What makes this harder to process is that some of the feedback I received during the PIP felt subjective. There were several instances where strategic recommendations I brought forward were characterized as uncertainty or indecisiveness, even when I had already developed a clear plan and rationale. Looking back, I often felt like my judgment was being questioned or that small details were being scrutinized in a way that hadn't happened before.
I did share some of these concerns with HR, not because I expected a different outcome, but because I wanted the experience documented.I know PIPs are often viewed as a formality before termination, and I've since heard that perspective from several HR professionals. Still, because of the positive relationship I thought I had with my manager beforehand, I didn't expect the experience to feel so isolating.
Has anyone else experienced something similar? Was I being overly sensitive, or is it common for managers and teams to create distance once someone is put on a PIP?