I'm a Director-level leader in technology, engineering, and product management. I spent years building and expanding broadband, Wi-Fi, CBRS, and Fixed Wireless products for two of the largest ISPs in the country, both Fortune 100 companies. I helped launch some of the earliest Wi-Fi 7 solutions in the market, even working through the development of the technology itself.
Nineteen months ago, I made a decision that changed my life, two reasons behind it:
First, my ex moved to the DFW area, and my oldest son has autism. He is my life’s joy; both my kids are. I would give them my life, but the fact that my oldest is on the spectrum is my Achilles heel. I wanted to be close to him and be part of his daily life, even though, since the divorce, my ex tried to keep the kids away from me. I was flying in and out to see my kids every 10-15 days, paying for hotels, car rentals, etc. At one point, I couldn't afford that anymore
The second reason was my manager. He made work miserable. He was dismissive, disrespectful, and ignorant; he came from a totally different field, never understood the technology, and, worst of all, was poisonous to the office culture. He actively blocked my attempts to move into another team within the company. Eventually, I had had enough and resigned.
I thought I'd find another job quickly.
I was wrong.
That decision cost me everything.
Over the last 19 months, I applied to more than 700 jobs. I went through countless interviews. Some were great. Some were unbelievably disrespectful. After 6 interviews, the COO looked at me and said, "I don't like you." I stayed professional. I stayed respectful.
I kept showing up.
But rejection after rejection wears you down. killed me slowly!
My savings disappeared. My retirement savings disappeared. My mother's retirement savings disappeared because she stepped in to help me survive.
Then three months ago, things got even worse.
I suffered a stroke and a pulmonary embolism in one weekend. I was hospitalized by a primary doctor. Two surgeries, 15 days in the ICU…
I had no insurance. The hospital bills were astronomical.
At the same time, I’ve been fighting depression, anxiety, and CPTSD for 20 years. I've carried scars from an abusive childhood for most of my life, even from cheating, as in my adult life. My father passed away over 20 years ago, yet I still see him in my nightmares.
There were nights when I sat alone, wondering whether I should keep fighting, be more resilient, or give up! just wait for another stroke, or take a handful of pills and never wake up again.
The only reasons I kept going were my kids and my mother.
For 19 months, I kept applying, networking, and reaching out to my network, yet I never heard back from anyone!
Today, for the first time in a long time, I have a small reason to hope.
A company in DFW decided to take a chance on me and promised to extend an offer.
I don't know what happens next. I don't know if this role will be the answer to all my prayers. It won't erase my $400K debt, the stress, or the last 19 months, or the heavy feeling in my heart.
But for the first time in a very long time, I can see a little light ahead. I am optimistic, but I still carry a doubt in my heart!